The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
