WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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