so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
