In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
