I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
