so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
