Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
