Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
