im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
