hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
