Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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