Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
