Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
