apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize