Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
