Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
