Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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