I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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