Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
