She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
