a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
