I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
