You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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