12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
