but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
