you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize