so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
