Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
