Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he fucked my hip out of place.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
