Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
