If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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