I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
