is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize