I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
