There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize