At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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