Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
