Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
