Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
