I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I am puke
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
