Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
