I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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