I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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