Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
