im holly from the hills drunk
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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