I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
