I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I supernannyed him into submission
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
