Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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