We're facebook friends in real life
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
