I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
