I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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