I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
