I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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