My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize