Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
