A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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