Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
