fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
