Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
