I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
