just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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