I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
