I love black thongs
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
