she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
