i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Someone came in the potted fern
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
