bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
