A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
