That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The feeling are messing with the penis
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
