the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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