glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you had me at cake vodka
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
