She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
