Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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