There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
