You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
