She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
